Adult brothers make lame excuses to miss 17-year-old nephew's birthday party, attend 17-year-old sister's birthday later and shower her with gifts: 'A nephew may not be the same a sibling but it's still pretty high up'

Author image for JR Atkinson
JR Atkinson • Writer and Editor
May 17, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Nobody likes it when someone plays favorites. You can usually tell pretty easily who is more in the glow of affection, and if it's not you it can feel pretty bad. This is true of teachers, friends, and especially family members. In a large family full of kids, some of them are bound to get overlooked. But it's your job as an adult family member to make sure everyone is included. There is nothing worse as a kid than feeling like nobody notices you. Maybe your personality isn't as loud as others so you shrink more easily into the background. Maybe you're surrounded by big characters and have a hard time asserting yourself. 

But that doesn't mean you're not a valuable family member like everyone else, and it's your family's job to make you feel that. Of course, though, this doesn't always happen and adults love to play favorites, even when they know they shouldn't. 

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  • That's what happened in this family when two older brothers and their mother were clearly playing favorites on their 17-year-old sister, neglecting their nephew of the same age. When his brother tried to call them out for it, they acted like it was the most natural thing in the world. Read on for the details and see what commenters had to say.

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    via Viet Hoang

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    AITA for calling my son's behavior entitled?

    My wife and I have 3 boys (39, 38, 24) and a daughter who is 17 now. Our sons adore her. Well most of them do. Our middle son doesn't like her much. He has a 17 yo son as well.
    via u/Either_Smoke_959
  • 03
    A few weeks ago was my grandson's birthday. My oldest was too tired from work and chose not to attend though his wife attended and brought a gift. My youngest son also decided not to attend because he simply dislikes being around too many teens. My middle son seemed very upset.
    via u/Either_Smoke_959
  • 04
    Then a few days ago was my daughter's birthday and my oldest and youngest, who adore her, decided to spoil her a little bit. They showered her with gifts. My middle son looked very angry and snapped at them and called us all jerks for "favoring my daughter"
    via u/Either_Smoke_959
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    I told him that my daughter is their sister, his son is not. They are not and will never be the same to his brothers and he needs to get over it and stop acting entitled. He called me an a h_le and left the party.
    via u/Either_Smoke_959
  • 06

    Commenters were a little divided on who was to blame here.

    showerbulb • 6h ago ESH I can see why your middle son might be angry. Your other son's made lame excuses not to attend their nephews party and yet made a fuss of their sister. Your youngest son doesn't like being around teens and yet the sister is also a teen?
    via u/showerbulb
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    showerbulb 6h ago ESH I can see why your middle son might be angry. Your other son's made lame excuses not to attend their nephews party and yet made a fuss of their sister. Your youngest son doesn't like being around teens and yet the sister is also a teen?
    via u/showerbulb
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    A nephew may not be the same a sibling but it's still pretty high up in the family relationships table isn't it? To me it sounds like your punishing your middle son just because he doesn't like your daughter.
    via u/showerbulb
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    Playful_Robot_5599.5h ago YTA You speak very differently about your 17 year old daughter and the 17 year old grandson. It seems to be accepted that the daughter is doted on and the boy is an afterthought.
    via u/Playful_Robot_5599
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    COLLECTION
    via Zach Wear

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    What I read from your text is that the daughter is the baby of the family that has to be spoiled by everyone. The boy is just there and if he's sad that the family uses excuses to not even attend his birthday, he's entitled. Good luck with that family dynamic. I don't want to be the middle son here.
    via u/Playful_Robot_5599
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    MousyRiley • 5h ago . NTA. It probably is a reflection on the relationship between the sons as opposed to the relationship with the nephew or their sister. I suspect he's always harbored resentment against her because of the time you should've been spoiling your brand new grandson, you had a baby.
    via u/MousyRiley
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    No matter how he was feeling, he shouldn't acted like a child and thrown a tantrum at your daughter's birthday party
    via u/MousyRiley
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    Future-Pound-1661 5h ago YTA. • Your middle child was overlooked both in childhood and parenthood. Your other sons made excuses not to go to your grandson's party yet tripped over themselves to go to your daughter's despite them being the same age.
    via u/Future-Pound-1661
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    First-I... 5h ago Edited 5h ago . YTA, your daughter and your grandson are the exact same age. Your youngest son's "can't be around teens too much" excuse therefore made no sense.
    via u/First-Industry4762
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    There is such an age gap between them and their sister that unless your sons are living with their sister at your place, the difference in behavior is not simply explained with a: "she sister; he nephew".
    via u/First-Industry4762
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    So your excuse for the difference in behavior doesn't count either. They favour her plain and simple and make it very clear and you probably do too, judging by your bogus. reasoning and making excuses.
    via u/First-Industry4762
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    They should have sucked it up and gone to their nephew's birthday. But nooo, one of them send his wife with one gift and one didn't bother showing up because of that nonsense excuse.
    via u/First-Industry4762
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    Then a few weeks later, her birthday happens, they both come and shower her with presents while they couldn't even bother to go to their nephew a few weeks back. The difference in behavior is extremely noticeable and no wonder your middle son is upset at what his son must be feeling when both of his uncles couldn't even show up for his birthday.
    via u/First-Industry4762
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    You don't even seem to care and worse, seem to make excuses for everything. He was right in calling you an a h le: sticking up for his son is what any good father should have done and not whatever you're doing.
    via u/First-Industry4762
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    Least_Razzmatazz... • 5h ago You are a bit. Honestly, niece or sister, both are pretty important. Both should be treated equally.
    via u/Least_Razzmatazz6294
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    slimmer01 · 6h ago . NAH. You're right that your sons have a different/closer relationship to your daughter, but I don't blame middle son for feeling some kind of way after some of you didn't even make an effort to show up for his kid's bday.
    via u/slimmer01
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    the_black_sheep5 • 5h ago ESH BUUUT you probably the biggest the fact that your making excuses for your sons crappy behaviour indicates exactly how much you think of your grandchild and your comments above indicate you don't actually
    via u/the_black_sheep5
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    want feedback or opinions you just want validation to run back and rub in his face. Im willing to bet that if your sons used those excuses for your daughters party you would have had some very strong feelings on it.
    via u/the_black_sheep5
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    Miso_soup_lover33 .5h ago Yta, as a parent you could've handled this better. You could've asked your son why he thinks that way instead of telling him off. Yes the family titles are different but still your other sons could've made better
    via u/Miso_soup_lover33
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    excuses to not attend your grandson's party. Just like how you think your kids are precious for him his kid is precious too. Honestly from the comments it seems like you inly want validation for the way you reacted.
    via u/Miso_soup_lover33
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    Turbulent-Jaguar-... • 5h ago Family is family. When you love and care about those around you- you show up. Especially on their birthday. Your son seemed hurt during his sons birthday that people didn't attend, I
    via u/Turbulent-Jaguar-476
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    wonder how you would have felt if people ditched out on your daughter's party? Were your sons feelings addressed during your grandsons party or brushed off? It seems to me by the time your daughters party began your son was overwhelmed with hurt
    via u/Turbulent-Jaguar-476
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    towards his siblings for his own son (which is wild to call entitlement). Personally I feel that your logic that they're closer to their sister than their nephew is a crock of sh.. because if it was about siblings your other sons would be there to celebrate their brothers son.
    via u/Turbulent-Jaguar-476
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    Parenting our kids never stops, not when they're 38 and you still have a 17 year old, not when they become parents, and especially not when they're hurting. YOUR SON IS HURTING- you need to both sit down and talk this through.
    via u/Turbulent-Jaguar-476

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teens aita infant kids teenagers moms favoritism parenting dad reddit thread parent Reddit raising kids adult children Parenting Fail parents children Parenting FAILS
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